Learn to Cállate la Boca!

If A equals success, then the formula is:

A = X + Y + Z _ X is work. _ Y is play. _ Z is keep your mouth shut. - Albert Einstein

I've learned from experience how unhealthy and hurtful gossip can be... especially when it's done around me and has to do with peeps I care about. Gossip's everywhere. Whether it touches us personally or not, we can't escape it but we can control the role we play in it and how we're affected by it. We've all participated in it at some point but when it leaves an uncomfortable imprint or influences the way you feel around specific people, you should really contemplate whether or not it's all worth it. Either way, it stirs up unconstructive drama in more ways than one. 

I've been in social situations where everyone is chatting it up and having a good time. Then, someone starts airing out someone else's dirty laundry,  and there's this downbeat, awkward vibe that fills the room and it doesn't matter who partakes; co-workers, acquaintances, mutual friends, family...  you'll eventually learn to see; there are people who are good for "this or that" purpose but not the best people to tittle-tattle with.

Gossiping causes assumptions to be made. It may hurt someone to hear information or cause people to get riled up. That's the nature of the beast! It may be about people you don't even care about but chances are your still left feeling  frusterated. There's this ugly thrill in the gossiper when they have news they want to share about others. When they're disclosing info that you DON'T know, they get a high off  'making it known', "Oh, so did you hear?", "have you spoken to so- and- so... oh, so lemme tell you what happened!" You may often see the gossiper's aura to be vile or unpleasant. Either, you're left wanting to know more or wanting them to shut their face. Someone else may want to add what they know, and another may want to play defense. Most often, heads are left spinning...

The Four Agreements a very impressionable book I read in 2004 and again in early 2007 touches on the topic of gossip in the very beginning and every chapter ties into it. It's very conceptual, but the agreements (if understood) can completely transform the way you look at yourself and others in your life. 

Even when dishing your own dirt- do it wisely! I'll willingly reveal facts about my own life and details about what I'm going through but I'm choosier now, with whom I share. I know I seem mysterious at times. Some people may wonder, "does she like me?", "what is she thinking?", "is there something she's not telling?" On the contrary, the people who matter won't have to wonder. I'm thankful to have the freedom in choosing  who to be an open book with, who to give cliff note versions to and who to close the cover on. Sometimes, I know this right away. Other times, my judgments seem thwarted but that never lasts long. I am selective, candid and brutally honest but have learned when it's necessary to bite my tongue.

Generally speaking, it takes time and experience for people to really know whom they should open their pages to. If secrets are being kept between close friends, maybe you are not as close as you thought. In any other case, there's nothing wrong with having secrets and being shrewd. If your intentions are not to help, then disclosing other people's dirt or criticizing how they live their lives is useless... so learn to zip the lip! If it's too difficult to do, possibly there's more of an ego issue or a huge void that needs to be filled. Regardless, just try to be conscious about how it affects you and your company. Most importantly, always think about the direction you have that finger pointing.